A Dream Deferred

It was 1998, just four years after my parents immigrated to the US; they were hoping to achieve that American Dream—a stable life having the ability to do what they wanted. I was not born until 2000, but my parents and two older sisters lived comfortably in Raleigh, North Carolina. It was at that time when my mom’s dream was deferred.

My mom tells me the story like it was yesterday. An old man was selling his gas station because he wanted to retire and move to Florida with his family. Finding out about this one in a lifetime opportunity, my mom instantly wanted to invest. The best part about the deal was that the owner did not even expect a down payment. He told her that “the profits you make minus your living expenses can be paid to me until you eventually pay it off.” This was the ultimate deal. Showing interest in leadership as a child, my mom saw this as the perfect opportunity to exercise her freedom that was not given to her in China. She would no longer have to be told by her teachers that women cannot take leadership positions. She would challenge the patriarchy that runs our society. She could enhance our family’s life in America and achieve her lifelong dream. 

Despite the perfect offer, my dad had reservations about this. What if we ended up losing money? What if we could never pay the man back? What if…? It posed too big of a risk, and my dad was not willing to take it. After experiencing the poverty that plagued China at that time, my dad could not imagine ending up on the streets of America, begging for money. He, on the other hand, wanted to make a stable income from his job and save money for our college tuitions gradually, avoiding any major risks as possible. With that, my mom’s dream was deferred.

My parents will never forget the 1960s.

Now, almost 19 years past, my mom’s dream is starting to “dry up like a raisin in the sun…[and] sag like a heavy load.” After that offer, my mom was never given another opportunity. Her main focus from then on was to give me and my sisters the best education possible—to provide for us what she was never able to achieve. I think this is what motivates me and my sisters. My mom could have easily spent the thousands of dollars our parents are spending on us to go to college. Not only are they willing to pay for our undergraduate education, but they are also willing to take loans out if we need them. My mom’s dream did not have to be deferred because my dad would not have to worry about providing for us. How could we possibly complain about how challenging our lives are when my mom gave up the only dream she had? How could we hate school when my mom’s dream was deferred to pay for it?

My mom’s altruism made her dream change into seeing us succeed in the future. However, deep down, I know that she still wants to start her own business. And one day when I receive my first paycheck, I will defer my dreams, like my mom did 19 years ago, so she can fulfill hers before I care about my own.

Someday I will return the sacrifices my parents made.